


may this night never end.

by caramelmins



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kim Jungwoo (NCT) is Whipped, M/M, Mentioned Suh Youngho | Johnny, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed, jaehyun is beautiful, jungwoo deserves to be loved, please love jungwoo, so i wrote it myself, there's minor cursing in here, this is the cry to chest trope i desperately need for jaewoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28547097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelmins/pseuds/caramelmins
Summary: “It was sound only, until Jungwoo could feel the arms encircling him. He flinches at the touch, but he is only pulled closer by the arms that feels more physical than his own body. As if he is floating, and instead of the ground he is bounded by these limbs. It is no longer sound only. It’s flesh. It’s human.It’s Jaehyun.He tries to focus on the soothing noises just a touch from his ears. He feels hands cradling him like a baby. He may sleep like this.Jungwoo breathes in, the world blurs into nothingness.”In which Jungwoo finds peace in the shape of his roommate.[Vietnamese translationbycamominle]
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo
Comments: 30
Kudos: 139





	may this night never end.

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is my gift for the jaewoo community because they are in fact, /the/ ship. also, let's only love jungwoo and give him good words from now on ! and go stream all about you and my everything!!
> 
> btw!! the [vietnamese translation](https://www.wattpad.com/1022529507) for this fic is translated by an AO3 user [camominle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/camominle/pseuds/camominle) on wattpad <3

Jungwoo is standing on the stage. He is noticing how vast it is, and that the audience in front of him has been growing dangerously and rapidly into a sizeable one. Growing and only growing that he is not sure when it will stop.

Not that Jungwoo is worried about it.

He is staring far and wide now, awed by the view. It seems endless, the people—like the entire world had come to watch him. And it _is_ —Jungwoo shudders as all the world watches him.

His hand is clasping on what he thought would be his mic and his outfit is shining, shimmering anytime the myriad of lights hit him just on the right spots. He can feel his stomach flips, but he refuses to mind it. He’s been on countless concerts at this point, standing in front of various sizes of crowds, on various sizes of stages—this won’t deter him. It shouldn’t, not when this is the only thing he could see himself doing.

Being here now, Jungwoo starts to think that this must be a pivotal point in his career. He takes a deep breath until he was interrupted by a voice.

“What career?” Like an arrow, aiming at his chest and succeeding, someone from the crowd shouts. He realised now, that the crowd seems faceless and the voice was eerily amplified. Like ten thousand speakers were turned on for him to hear only what this unkind entity is trying to say.

“You just ride on their career.”

The crowd boos, not at the speaker but at him, he can feel it. The nausea he was trying so hard to not mind grows.

Right at that moment, the voice comes back.

“It is not yours to take.”

 _It is not mine to take_ , he repeats. He agrees with them.

He takes a step back, the vanity he just had in him falter.

After trying to look around for a sense of familiarity, he realised the stage is empty. It is only him and the vast expanse of the venue. The crowd chittered in incomprehensible noises, just people talking over each other. Nonetheless, the vice in their tones was unmistakable.

The nausea hits him tenfold than what he had on his debut stage.

“Well, get off the stage, then!” yells another one, and Jungwoo wonders how a face without features can look so evil.

 _I’m trying_ , he tries to say, but nothing’s coming out.

He wants to run away. To take a step off the stage and head to the backstage to hide from the faceless, evil crowd, but his body is tethered—he can’t move. Maybe he was destined to take it all. He would rather be tripped over something and face-plant onto the ground and be swallowed by the earth, but no matter how much he tries, his legs feel like they’re floating in the air. There is nothing to trip him over.

He has to face this.

The voices are growing louder.

“Who are you?” Dripping with venom, another voice shouts at him. “We don’t want to see you.”

His grip tightens but instead of a mic, he only senses his own palm, pain building under his nails. The lights are blinding on his eyes and he didn’t even realise he was crying until his cheeks were warmed with tears. He could swear that the tears were the only thing that feels physically on him. Not even his own body feels alive.

“You shouldn’t be here.” The vicious voice came back. Jungwoo grits his teeth. “Die.”

He’s heard it before and Jungwoo could almost laugh at the familiarity of it. This was not surprising.

He takes a deep breath, ignoring the thundering heart in his chest. _This is okay_ , he thinks _._ This is better than pity—he had enough of pity. He would take death threats after death threats as long as he does not receive any more pity disguised as sympathy.

 _This is okay, this is okay!_ His heart screams as he convinces himself and yet, his breaths get even more unsteady. Unsteady, no matter how hard he tries to find a rhythm for it, and now he can only accept the thousands of knives throbbing on his chest whenever he tries to take one deep breath.

 _This hurts_ , Jungwoo thinks. Only thinks, since it doesn’t seem possible for him to say it out loud. Even when he tries to scream, it only comes out a whimper, almost of a dog.

“That nickname suits you.” The crowd is suddenly filled with laughter, tiny heads jerking back and forth in unified movements.

Should he be happy, since people are happy because of him? Should he just accept this?

One person stands up. “A dog.”

He digs his nail deeper into his skin. Does he deserve this?

“ _No._ ”

Like a spell, he hears a voice nothing like the previous ones. This one sounds heavenly, soft on the edges and familiar in such a way that could make his heart swell. He loves this voice, and he can feel his body relax at the change of tone if a little.

There is no vice in this voice.

“It’s _just a dream._ ”

_It is?_

He wants to breathe a sigh of relief, but something in him is still very unsure. This hatred cannot be a dream. He can _feel_ the words, the disgust, people seething at the sight of him. This cannot be imagined—he can feel _them_ in his bones. This is not out of the ordinary.

“You’re _okay, Jungwoo,_ ” the voice came back around, ringing through his ears in what feels more of a placating melody than mere words. He forced himself to believe what he heard. The voice repeats, “You’re okay.”

It was sound only, until Jungwoo could feel the arms encircling him. He flinches at the touch, but he is only pulled closer by the arms that feels more physical than his own body. As if he is floating, and instead of the ground he is bounded by these limbs. It is no longer sound only. It’s flesh. It’s human.

It’s Jaehyun.

It’s Jaehyun, he’s almost sure of it, so Jungwoo gives in to the touch.

He can hear his own voice now, sobbing and rambling incomprehensible words. He sounds pathetic.

Jungwoo’s heart breaks when he reaches up to place a palm on the face in front of him but keeps failing at it. Why can’t he touch him just as he was being touched? Jungwoo wants this Jaehyun to be real. Right then, his sob grows uneven as his chest tightens at the thought that this Jaehyun might only be a figment of his imagination.

No, please. He wants Jaehyun.

Gently, he feels his balled fist being opened and his fingers being spread. Another hand settled on it, holding it so he won’t be so tense anymore.

“It’s just a dream, Jungwoo.”

_But they seem so real._

“They are,” Jungwoo mutters, finally able to piece together actual words, although it doesn’t make much sense now that he said it out loud. “They’re so mean.” He chokes on his spit. His other hand managed to grab onto a fabric next to his chest. Clasping, he doesn’t want to let go. He wants to hear his voice again. “They’re so mean, hyung.”

“Don’t listen to them.” A whisper this time, but the words sounded real enough to his ears that the beating of his heart has slowed down. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“They hate me.”

“They’re stupid.”

Jungwoo’s sobs grow silent as he tries to focus on the soothing noises, just a touch from his ears. He feels hands cradling him like a baby. He may sleep like this.

“I’m here, Jungwoo.” A hand grazed on his hair. His other fist loosens. “I’m here.”

Jaehyun is here.

Jungwoo breathes in, the world blurs into nothingness.

All that Jungwoo knew were the steadying of breaths and the arms surrounding him until he felt nothing but warmth. He hadn’t realised when he drifted back to sleep.

Jungwoo stirs, feeling the dampness on his skin when he woke up. It is amplified under his blanket, edges tucked neatly under him. It seems like he had sweated crazily in one night and instead of having them dried, he was wrapped around a blanket instead, leaving the uncomfortable wetness stuck to his skin.

Aloof, he is trying to move when he noticed the edges of his blanket was tucked everywhere except for the part his left arm needed to get through. It’s reaching out the edge of his bed, to a hand intertwined with his own.

Jungwoo smiles at the sight: the gaps between their two beds bridged by their hands, clasping onto one another.

He sits upright until his back could relax on the wall behind him. He cradles the hand he was holding, refusing to take his hand off it despite the shift in his position.

Jaehyun is sprawled on his belly, his head is resting on what should be the foot of his bed. It’s placed neatly on his other arm, an obvious substitute for his pillows that were forgotten over the head of his bed. His feet are tucked under them and Jungwoo made a breathy laugh when he thought of how Taeyong or maybe Doyoung would react over this sight of Jaehyun. They would scream by the horror of his feet comfortably nestling on his pillows as if they were made not for his precious head.

It is almost comical how relaxed Jaehyun’s entire body is and yet his hand had not moved over the course of the night. Jungwoo was suddenly reminded of what could be the reason Jaehyun has slept upside down, clutching Jungwoo’s hand so tight that even the deepest of his sleep wouldn’t let go—but he forced the thought back down. He could remember it later. He could even not remember it at all, just letting the nightmare be swallowed into his memory graveyard.

He could rest easy like that. He could rest easy without the voices in his head and instead, he would be delighting himself with the soft, voice he swore he heard in his sleep. Arms hugging him safely that the world swallowed itself down. He could rest easy with the thought of Jaehyun.

He could rest easy when there was Jaehyun.

Blissful, he feels the sleepiness coming back to him. Sure, his mind had settled into a more peaceful state, but his body has not.

Jungwoo couldn’t help but doze off again.

When he wakes up once more, it is not the hard wall that Jungwoo feels on his back. Instead, it’s the soft touch of a pillow, someone must have put it there. He notices there is more than one pillow around his body—one behind him, another on his side, another one stacked on top of it to keep his head falling onto the hard wall and he was noticing the feel of another one under his arm when he notes all of them cannot be his. They were Jaehyun’s as well. All stacked upon each other to make some sort of a fort to keep him safe and comfortable.

_Jaehyun._

Jaehyun is sitting on his chair, eyes busy scowling down on his phone. He is still wearing the same grey shirt, it seems like it hasn’t been long since he has woken up himself. Jungwoo smiles once again. The window is opened, the curtains drawn. It must have been afternoon already.

Jungwoo blinked once, twice, before he studied the features of Jaehyun’s face. The pout and the furrow between his eyebrows are profound, Jungwoo wonders what had worried him that much. The golden light from the window shines upon him in such a way that could be described only as magical. His mussy hair flops on his forehead, lacking its usual graceful fall when he needs to be seen in front of cameras. The stretch of his smooth, pale skin was begging to be perused even more. Sometimes, Jungwoo wonders if Jaehyun had been kept in a mysterious, far away castle as a child by his parents and his pale white skin is the result of not getting enough amount of sunlight. Probably, the castle did have huge windows, but it was sadly covered with trees all the time, and somehow it was always Winter in that place. Jungwoo’s not sure, but he could at least thank _god_ Jaehyun suits that ridiculously pale skin.

He hadn’t realised he had let out a dreamy sigh until Jaehyun’s scowl had softened into something kinder and his voice rang softly.

“Hey,” he glances at Jungwoo and back at his phone. Jungwoo is dumbstrucked, lost in disbelief that he just gained Jaehyun’s attention because of the pathetic noise that came out of him. _Not_ intentionally.

Jaehyun looks up once again from his phone and smiles. “I ordered some food.”

His roommate looks relaxed as he put the hand with the phone down on his lap and waited for Jungwoo’s response.

On the other end, Jungwoo is confused, confused because he did not expect this casualness from him. What he had expected was a worried look, maybe a frown, or a half-hearted smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He had expected sadness coated in faux sympathy.

He had expected pity.

“I’m hungry,” he continues, his eyes not leaving Jungwoo’s. There’s nothing particularly different from his expression. He was just _Jaehyun_. Unbothered yet extremely caring at the same time. The dimples that sat on his cheeks looked even deeper from this angle, shone by the sunlight. Jaehyun looked genuine with the smile and the dimples and the face.

Jaehyun doesn't give Jungwoo pity.

Jungwoo didn’t ask for it, so Jaehyun looked at him without pity and instead, Jungwoo had dared himself to believe that the look Jaehyun had was one filled with love. He shudders at the thought.

He starts removing the pillows he found to be suffocating. Although maybe, he thinks, he was breathless over an entirely different reason. But then again, Jungwoo really wouldn’t mind this kind of breathlessness even all of his lifetime.

“Me too.” Jungwoo returns the smile. “Let’s eat.”

* * *

The nightmares had been a common occurrence for Jungwoo, as well as Jaehyun, in a way. Jungwoo savoured the calm rubs of Jaehyun at night and he couldn’t be more thankful by the nonchalance Jaehyun exhibits in the morning. Still, Jungwoo had felt guilty to keep Jaehyun up at night, so he’d practice longer and came back as late as he could, or he would be spending nights at his own house when they didn’t have that many schedules.

Jungwoo couldn’t even lie that that had stretched him thin. He was worn beyond what he was used to.

That day, they had come back from an afternoon photoshoot and the entire team had been given free time until the next day, and Jungwoo couldn’t be more thankful that he could spend the entire day sleeping.

Unfortunately, his plan was ruined when Mark and Haechan asked him to accompany them for a movie night. Jungwoo could just refuse. Hell, he had _wanted_ to refuse more than anything, but he didn’t have the heart. Not when Mark had opened up to him before how upset Haechan was that the quarantine had ruined so many movie plans he had in his mind. Mark had been wanting to make up for that.

Jungwoo just didn’t think it would be today.

Jaehyun seemed to hear the chattering outside of their room that he came out to the living room as well, his head is damped after a shower and he looked ready to put an end to his day. Jungwoo smiles at the sight, it is only four in the afternoon.

“I wanna watch too.” He regards Mark, then Haechan, and then sits down on the sofa. “I can take his place.”

Haechan scoffs. “This does not require movie tickets, hyung. You two can watch, no one need to replace anyone.”

Jaehyun looks at Jungwoo, a brief moment passed before he says, “Jungwoo is tired.”

Jungwoo’s eyes go wide and he laughs. “That’s okay! If I sleep in the bedroom now I might just pass out until the morning.” He grins. “I might sleep for the entire movie, though.”

It was a minuscule jut of his chin, but Jungwoo was sure Jaehyun seemed disappointed at what Jungwoo just said.

Not trying to dwell much on that, Jungwoo takes the spot next to Jaehyun as Haechan and Mark huddled up on the other sofa next to theirs. The moment he sat down, though, he was greeted by Jaehyun’s hands holding him by the sides.

He laid him down on the sofa and Jungwoo was flustered as his head settled securely on Jaehyun’s lap. He felt a hand coming down on his hair, patting down as to soothe a baby to sleep. Jungwoo smiles, then thanked the dimmed light that no one in the room could see his reddening cheeks.

He could hear Haechan muttering to Mark about the movie that they’re going to play, something about Mark mistaking the title (probably with the one _he_ wanted to play) and them just bickering with each other. But with Jaehyun caressing his hair, nothing else seems to matter anymore.

When he managed to even out his breath, in the midst of him getting lulled to sleep, Jungwoo heard Mark’s voice in between the intro of the movie. He sounded careful but loud enough for Jaehyun to hear.

“He looks so tired these days.”

A silent moment, but Jungwoo could feel the infinitesimal jerk of a body above him. Jaehyun agreed, but he wasn’t trying to make a noise.

“Why is he wearing himself off like that, hyung?”

Jaehyun sighs. His voice sweet when he finally responds, “You know how much he works hard, Mark.” His hands did not stop brushing Jungwoo’s hair. “You’ll do the same after a hiatus, no? Proving yourself that you still got it.”

Jungwoo feels warmth on his cheeks. Jaehyun _knows_ why he is so tired these days. In the mix between embarrassed and touched, Jungwoo tries his best to keep as still as possible.

The last thing he heard was Haechan telling both of them off because the movie was about to start. After that was silence, driving Jungwoo to sleep.

Jungwoo feels consciousness seeping into him and the more aware he is, the more he can feel that he is not on his bed. He wrings his neck and his eyes comically widened when Jaehyun’s face greets from above him. Almost ethereal, the man is sleeping with his face propped against his hand.

It was clear now, they were on a sofa, they were watching a movie with Mark and Haechan.

Mark and Haechan, where are they?

Only after sparing a glance at the couch opposite him did Jungwoo realise they were the only ones left in the living room. He wonders if he had slept like a brick that the older boy didn’t have the heart to wake him, or if Jaehyun had fallen asleep with him in the middle of the movie. Jungwoo smiles, imagining Mark and Haechan’s reaction when they saw both of them sleeping like this.

Jungwoo sighs. He recalls the slow and steady hand brushing the top of his head, lulling him to sleep. He recalls the strong arms hugging him to release him from the nightmares that feel more of reality to him than a mere dream, and the soft, low voice asking him “are you okay?” when no one else but him could hear.

Jungwoo wonders how does Jaehyun do it, but he’s always so loud and rough with Jungwoo, not treating him like a fragile little thing. Hand slapping Jungwoo’s sides when they’re teasing each other, fingers squishing Jungwoo’s cheeks in the middle of practice, laughter roaring with no consideration for the ears of the people around him. It’s only when they’re alone with no other, or in the dead of the night when Jungwoo whimpers like a dog, that Jaehyun seems to handle him with so much care.

Like Jungwoo was made out of glass.

For a moment, with his head placed on top of Jaehyun’s lap being safely secured by his free hand, Jungwoo had considered staying there for the rest of his life. That no matter how much love he has in his heart, all of it, he thought, he would give it all to Jaehyun if it meant getting _this_.

“Did you sleep in the middle of the movie, or were you too scared to wake me up?”

After spending some fifteen minutes of hesitation (and comfort), Jungwoo had woken Jaehyun up by playing with his ears. The response was some blinking of eyes and dimpled smiles. Jaehyun called his name (sleepily and soft—very sweetly soft) and stretched his arms upwards and back before one of them landed on Jungwoo’s waist to guide himself up off the sofa.

When they had returned to their shared bedroom, Jungwoo couldn’t help but keep the older from his sleep, straining time just to talk about whatever. Jungwoo was sitting cross-legged on his own bed, while Jaehyun was standing, staring down at his used clothes. He seems annoyed at the fact he hadn’t taken care of them right after he got out of the shower.

“I slept in the middle of the movie.” Jaehyun rubs his eye upward and continues until his fingers could brush his hair. He still seems hesitant about what to do with the clothes. “Right after you.”

“Did you, though?”

Jaehyun grinned. “Yes, Jungwoo. I slept in the middle of the movie, just like you did. I already watched the movie, remember? We watched it together.”

He picks the dirty clothes and rolled them into a ball, and then throwing them at a spot near the door. He finally plops down at his bed, smiling curiously at Jungwoo who didn’t respond and instead was looking for something on his phone.

“Then why did Haechan send me a picture of you wide awake, saying, _Jaehyun hyungie who feels bad to get up_?” Jungwoo held his phone up at Jaehyun, the screen flickering in the dimmed light. Jaehyun hadn’t need to move closer to know what’s on the screen. “Look, this picture looks crazy cute.”

His face was alight with a new grin, and for that, Jungwoo teased him even more, “Should I post it on Bubble?”

“Come on, now,” Jaehyun meekly responds. He is only smiling, letting out a long exhale as he was reduced to speechlessness, possibly, but he wasn’t mad. Jaehyun never gets mad at Jungwoo. “Let’s sleep, we have a schedule tomorrow.”

Jungwoo jutted his bottom lip, letting the situation go although he’d be sure to bring it up again in the morning, possibly with more people in their vicinity. He finally responds, albeit the annoyance in his voice, “It’s barely nine, hyung.”

“And you need your sleep.”

“I want the piano.”

Jaehyun smiles and gets up from his bed. Jungwoo wonders then, why his heart swells at the sight, Jaehyun doing what he asked for without question and hesitation. Jaehyun takes the miniature piano slash musical box he had bought in Otaru when he went there with the members—the one Jungwoo _loves_ so much—and brings it over to Jungwoo’s bed.

Jaehyun spins the gear at the back of the piano, the gear creaks as it turns. Slowly, Jaehyun puts down the piano next to his head and then opens the upper part of the piano to let the room filled with a soft, melodic tune of _When You Wish Upon a Star_. His hand reaches up to Jungwoo’s hair, brushing, then he says, “Sleep well,” his voice gentle and soothing, as if his previous delicate gestures were not for the piano, but for Jungwoo.

As if he was made of glass.

Jungwoo hums. He’s sure he’s going to sleep fine tonight.

* * *

It’s only a matter of weeks before Jungwoo had to face restlessness again.

Jungwoo is holding his chest to calm the chaos inside it. He takes several breaths, watching his own red eyes in the mirror. Streaks of half-dried tears decorated the spots surrounding them.

_Great._

_Idiot—_ a mock inside his head that came naturally as the way his muscle memory would guide his body when he danced. His heart aches at the way his brain so automatically works in a way as if it had only been trained to utter words meant to humiliate himself.

He holds his breath.

Clearing his head from all thoughts, he lets out one decisive huff and flicks open the water tap in front of him, letting the cold water run down his cupped hands. A splash on his face, another one, and some more until the collar of his t-shirt was just as drenched as his face. Once he felt satisfied by the coldness resting on his skin, he made an effort to dry his face with the sleeve of his t-shirt and carried himself out the toilet and into the basement’s halls.

Jungwoo holds his head high, that was the least he could do to appear braver than he felt.

He sees Jaemin packing up his things as soon as he entered the practice room again. A small smile forcing to appear to greet the younger boy, as if he hadn’t just run out on him some time ago with obvious tears welling up in his eyes.

Jaemin—the sweet, sweet boy—sends him a smile back, the best someone as tired as him could muster.

“Johnny-hyung is waiting in the car.”

Jungwoo feels warmth growing on his cheeks when he heard the name but he only hums, avoiding the gaze. The boy nodded, probably noting to himself that Jungwoo does not feel like going into the same car with them.

“I’m going, then.”

“Be safe, Jaemin-ah.”

Jaemin halted his steps when he neared the door, and even on Jungwoo’s peripheral vision, he could sense the indecisiveness when he turns back around.

“You sure you don’t wanna go together?” Jaemin is holding onto the door, still refusing to leave the other alone. “It’s… uh, pretty late.”

Jungwoo scoffs at that. _So cute_ , he thinks. It sure is some time past 1 AM but that was never _late_ for them. Especially on days before a comeback. It just _seems_ late because everyone had gone home earlier after the discourse he had with Johnny. _Because_ of him. He can feel revulsion forming in the pits of his stomach but he didn’t let it be shown.

“I’ll be fine. Go. Johnny-hyung’s waiting.”

“Alright.” Jaemin nods, finally removing his gaze from Jungwoo. “I’m going, hyung.”

Jungwoo turns the music back on, not bothering to watch on the younger boy. The car will be back to get him in about thirty minutes. He could still practice. He _should_.

The music had magically replaced the pounding in his head with the pounding in his chest. It’s the good kind of pounding, the one driving him to be where he is right now. He felt the beat coursing through his muscles as his body started moving in precise movements that he had memorised in the last month.

At least his head stopped hurting, for now.

He watches his own reflection as he takes a step, turning it into two steps, into three, until he makes an abrupt stop. Jungwoo grunts as he realises he just made the mistake again.

 _Great_ , he could hear his brain starting once more.

 _Idiot_.

The throbbing in his head didn’t cease when he stepped into the dorm. If anything, when the silence of the apartment made no effort to cover up the noises from his brain, it sure made it worse. He tries his best to ignore them and wills himself to glance at the clock near the entrance.

It's well past two.

Discarding the stuff he had on him, he headed to the bathroom to clean himself up. Jungwoo was exhausted, more than he could admit, and while he had his tendency to skip night showers, tonight he felt more urge to wash something off him. Guilt, regret, remorse, he didn’t exactly know. He only knew if he poured cold water onto his body, with the approaching Winter freezing his body as is, he’d feel reality kicking again.

He was exhausted. He didn’t care.

He was right about the cold. The freezing temperature is causing him to bite down on his bottom lip, forcing down the urge to scream in the dead of the dawn. _It’s cold_. It was so cold he wanted nothing but warmth—scalding heat, even—to greet him after. He tried not to worry about it so much, though. At least he couldn’t notice if there would be warm tears on his cheeks.

His hand was shaking as he reached out for his towel. He briefly rubs himself dry and puts on the fresh shirt and trousers he prepared.

 _This is good_ , he thought. This feels better than being slicked with sweat and smelling like the SM practice room. Which does not smell nice even with the air fresheners on every corner. It doesn’t smell _bad_ or straight up stinks, but it was just a weird combination of _everything_.

His steps were careful as he walked toward his and Jaehyun’s bedroom. Unfortunately, despite his effort to open the bedroom door as slowly and silently as he could, the shifting figure greeting him told him that he had failed.

 _Great_.

_Idi—_

“Jungwoo-yah.” 

He turns his head to where Jaehyun’s bed is. The light is on but since Jaehyun had chosen a dimmed one in the first place, it wasn’t an overbearingly blinding light to have at night. It is enough to see his roommate’s face, eyes peering at him.

“Sorry, hyung.”

“Why?” his voice sounds half-asleep, he might be mistaken as sleep talking if Jungwoo hadn’t been so familiar with him.

“I woke you up.”

Jaehyun makes a disagreeing noise, then mumbles, “Let’s go to sleep.”

“I am, I’m just gonna—” Jungwoo pauses when he sees Jaehyun patting down on the spot next to him.

“You should go to sleep.” Jaehyun grinds the bleariness out of his eyes with his knuckles and Jungwoo cringes at how unnecessarily rough he’s being. And all that roughness didn’t even seem to work—he only looked sleepier.

“C’mere.”

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Jungwoo smiles at the sight in front of him, not removing his gaze even while discarding his bag to the floor. He walked over to Jaehyun’s bed, sitting down on the edge when he wasn’t sure if he should lie down and get into his blanket. “What is it?”

“Sleep.” Swiftly, Jaehyun pulls Jungwoo by the waist. The way his body just slides easily is almost comical to him. Even when half-asleep, Jaehyun can overpower Jungwoo effortlessly. At that moment, he cannot help but make a mental note to go to the gym more often than he knew he would like.

Nestled uncomfortably on one edge of Jaehyun’s blanket, Jungwoo can feel the moment his waist is lifted over by Jaehyun’s strong hand, his other one pulling the blanket under him. Once the blanket is free, Jaehyun puts it over Jungwoo’s body, making sure the younger boy is safely covered.

 _Warm_ , Jungwoo thinks. He just keeps it to himself though, since he is convinced Jaehyun had quickly fallen back to his well-deserved sleep. After successfully pulling Jungwoo to lie next to him, Jaehyun hadn’t said anything else, safe from the heavy breathing. Guilt raises in the pits of his stomach when he remembers he was the reason that his roommate has woken up.

When Jungwoo didn’t know where to place his hand, he had kept them on Jaehyun’s chest, on top of his favourite grey t-shirt. He fiddles with his own fingers as he watches Jaehyun’s face, his eyes are closed.

It was silence and overall stillness until Jaehyun’s hand found a place on top of his head, hair still wet from the shower. Jungwoo hadn’t put so much thought into drying them. He couldn’t care less.

“Why didn’t you dry your hair properly,” Jaehyun reprimands him, fingers carding through wet strands after wet strands. “You’ll get cold, Woo.”

“Sorry.” Jungwoo flinches uncomfortably at the gentle touch. “Your bed will be wet now.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Jaehyun moves his hand down to Jungwoo’s bare arm, rubbing the cold away from his skin. On Jaehyun’s touch, Jungwoo finds gratitude in the fact that he can breathe easier now.

It is common knowledge for everyone who has the privilege of knowing Jaehyun that the man has a sort of magic in him that makes people around him settle down—thinking back on his nightmare-filled nights, Jungwoo can even vouch on that. That’s why he only lets himself snuggled more comfortably in Jaehyun’s arms, savouring the way his body is safely wrapped around them. He is so lucky to have him at that moment, he isn't going to throw that away.

“Johnny-hyung texted me.” Jungwoo jerks at the sudden admission. The name makes his cheeks burn. Embarrassed for the thing he’d done. Embarrassed for the things he _hadn’t_ done. “I didn’t want to tell you as I was sure that’s what he would want, but I also want you to know that he cares _so much_ about you.”

 _I know_ , Jungwoo wanted to say. But all that could come out of him was an understanding hum, enough for Jaehyun to continue talking.

“He said he waited for you because he wanted to apologise, but Jaemin told—”

“He has nothing to apologise for,” Jungwoo cuts him off before Jaehyun could speak further, taking a deep breath before he continues, “if anything, I was the one who had to.”

“Well, that’s not what Johnny thought.” Jaehyun sighs. He seems wakened up more since his voice sounds much clearer. It was still deep, but it wasn’t as hoarse as before. “I don’t know what exactly happened, but you shouldn’t worry too much about him. Whatever argument you had, he must’ve only wanted to share what he thought was the best for the team.”

Jungwoo sniffles and right at that moment, he mentally thanked Jaehyun’s sense for not trying to take a better look at Jungwoo. He looked a mess. Instead, Jaehyun pulls him closer and rests his chin on the top of his damp hair. The tears that were welling up in his eyes finally fell at the movement. Jungwoo doesn't mind, neither did Jaehyun when he felt the droplet had wet his arm under Jungwoo’s neck.

“Again, I’m not sure what had set off you two time-bombs, but—”

“I wasn’t in my right mind.”

It was a trick. Jungwoo knows what Jaehyun just said was a harmless trick for him to find out what exactly had happened. He can almost imagine the satisfied smile on the other’s lips when he heard him letting out a sigh of relief. Jungwoo continues, “I kept making the same mistakes over and over again.”

He feels Jaehyun’s hand rubbing a spot on his back.

“Johnny—” Jungwoo’s breath hitches. He recalls the tightness of his chest, tears threatening to spill, and Johnny’s disappointed eyes looking down on him, indignance plastered all over his face. Disappointing the people that he loves would be the number one failure in his life but Jungwoo had accepted that he deserved to be looked in such a way.

He continues, “Johnny-hyung stopped the practice to tell me that I should focus up since the comeback was only days away. He was right, I wasn’t taking it seriously.”

The hand that was resting on his back went up to his head again. Jaehyun carefully caresses Jungwoo’s hair with his thumb. He’s so careful and gentle, a pleasant change to what always been an aggressive man with forceful gestures.

“I was selfish and stubborn. Amateur, because I refused to fix my mistakes and continued to make the same one again and again.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, Jungwoo. I’ve seen you practice. You are _far_ from an amateur,” Jaehyun assures him, and Jungwoo wonders why it sounds believable when it comes from Jaehyun.

Jungwoo hesitates before replying since he can’t entirely agree nor disagree with him, but he goes anyway, “I’m sure it was pretty bad. And I was just—” He stops his words as he feels bile coming up on his throat and more tears coming out of his eyes.

Like a broken dam, his tears spill out and soon he was crying again, gasping for air. His head stings, it stings so much. _Idiot! Idi—_

“Hey, now,” Jaehyun pulls Jungwoo closer to his chest. Jungwoo doesn’t understand why he’s even sobbing, but he is. His tears and snot must be an ugly display on the other’s t-shirt, and now he feels bad for continuing to cry. He can’t seem to stop, Jaehyun feels so much like the epitome of safety, that for once, Jungwoo doesn’t worry about having cried this much.

He collects himself for a moment then whispers in between the tears, “I was just a fuckin’ mess, I think.”

Jaehyun is silent, but his hand hadn’t stopped rubbing circles on the Jungwoo’s back. “You’re not a mess, Jungwoo” he finally says. “If you’re a mess, then I am, uh, disorganised beyond fix.”

“What are you talking about,” Jungwoo chuckles, while Jaehyun exhales. He somehow sounds like he is content with what he did.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Jungwoo tries to pull himself back when he comes to it but Jaehyun’s arms are a wall behind him, keeping him on his chest. “I’m suddenly crying like this.”

“Like I’ve never seen it,” Jaehyun cheekily answers and Jungwoo cannot help but smile at that.

He then groans, kind of at Jaehyun teasing him, but mostly at himself for breaking down all of a sudden. “But I had pissed Johnny-hyung off. I’m sure of it.”

“You think you’re all that, huh? That you’re able to piss Seo Youngho off?”

Jungwoo was almost confused by the words, but he smiled as soon as he understood where the other was going.

“You can’t—at least in this lifetime—piss off Youngho-hyung _that_ bad,” he assured Jungwoo again. “Believe me, we _all_ tried.”

Jungwoo chuckles at that, in his head there is the knowledge he had missed previously. Sure, it’s not like he didn’t know how forgiving Johnny is to his members, it’s just that his own head was cluttered with so much dirt to think straight.

“He doesn’t have the heart to hate us,” Jaehyun continues. “Sometimes, we wonder if maybe the tall build he got is for the extra space for his heart. The guy’s got _lots_.”

Jungwoo’s body shook with laughter, and it keeps on shaking and he finds it relieving to be able to _actually_ laugh. He slides both hands up between the gap of his face and Jaehyun’s chest to get rid of the remaining tears.

“Now sleep,” Jaehyun tells him, his arms loosen but still generally circling Jungwoo’s body.

Jungwoo wonders if this is exactly what he needs: Jaehyun, calm and reassuring, and being something like a cure, _almost_.

Sleeping on Jaehyun’s bed isn’t entirely new for Jungwoo. It had happened after a night of getting absolutely wasted (which for Jungwoo’s case, didn’t really take a mind-bogglingly number of bottles) that the two of them just crashed on the nearest bed from the door and kept themselves there until the next afternoon. It had happened on nights they’d watch a Netflix series instead of a movie and Jungwoo had fallen asleep on the inner part of the bed after listening to too much English for the last three days. The afternoon after, Jungwoo had woken up on the same exact spot with Jaehyun sprawled belly up next to him.

But the night Jungwoo had spent being a sobbing mess in Jaehyun’s embrace had been life-changing in a way that he could not dare to describe them out loud. It’s probably the part where he woke up with Jaehyun’s face just a hair’s breadth from his neck, him breathing evenly on the crook of it that Jungwoo’s hand couldn’t stop brush off the feeling for the rest of the day. It’s probably the weight of Jaehyun’s arm finding safety under Jungwoo’s shirt, right on the spot where his waist begins, that Jungwoo had to will himself not to stare at the spot when he looked in the mirror. Maybe it’s the way he listened to Jaehyun breathing, evened out and tranquil, and felt his heart swell at the sight of Jaehyun doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and yet _being_ absolutely everything—because he was beautiful, breathtaking, soft, ethereal and somehow enigmatic. But most of all, Jaehyun was handsome.

Or, maybe. _Maybe_.

Maybe it’s the realisation that Jungwoo could no longer hide his affection for the older. One that is different from how he adores Mark, or looks up to Taeyong, or appreciates Yuta and Doyoung with all their praises for Jungwoo. It’s the one that he had slapped his face numb over to take himself back to reality. It is not one that he likes to have.

He loved Jaehyun, and he had wished he could stay loving him as a member of his group. Nothing more.

But the feeling was not. Jungwoo would have rejoiced if he did love him just as a brother sharing the same path of life.

Which is why, when Jaehyun had woken up that late morning unnerved by how close their bodies were pressed to each other, Jungwoo gritted his teeth, feeling atrociously defeated by the guy who simply opened his eyes and wrung his neck trying to be a little bit awake. Jungwoo hated him at that moment. Hated the simplicity of it all and the innocence of Jaehyun’s smile when he noticed Jungwoo’s face just millimetres above him. Like there was absolutely nothing wrong in the way Jaehyun kept his hand on Jungwoo’s skin, face on his neck.

Like there was nothing absolutely wrong with Jungwoo.

Jaehyun looked ready to fall back to sleep after that, since none of their alarms was about to go off soon anyway. Jungwoo watched as he muttered a small _Jungwoo-yah_ and something close to _you should go back to sleep._ He felt the palm on his waist tightened on the spot. Jungwoo hummed, and Jaehyun was properly dozing off again.

* * *

Mark had been dragged by Haechan to spend the new year with the Dream members, something about celebrating Jisung becoming an adult _properly and ceremoniously._ Jungwoo had no idea what Haechan meant by that, but he was sure it was great _._ He had foolishly felt some kind of jealousy with the bond that the younger ones had with each other, so he tried to think up something to do with the residents of the 10th floor. He suggested a party, even though by _party_ he literally could only come up with getting stupidly drunk together. With their ensemble missing a person, he almost regretted coming up with the idea. Still, the others had accepted it with glee, and so _getting_ _stupidly drunk_ becomes their agenda first thing in 2021.

It has been going very well. They hadn’t stopped drinking and playing drinking games all night until the wee hours of the morning.

At least, everyone except Jungwoo. He cannot afford to get extremely drunk tonight. Not when his heart doing flips every time he makes eye contact with Jaehyun. Not when he stares too lovingly at Jaehyun’s lips that he even got Jaehyun teasing him about it one time. He might not approve of what he is going to say if he gets too drunk. He might not approve of what he is going to _do._

“Hey, you done?” Jaehyun says to Jungwoo’s ears, sending chills to his neck and spine. Jungwoo turns his head at a beaming Jaehyun, pale cheeks no longer its usual colour but flushed with pink. Jungwoo almost frowns at the sight. _He looks like an actual peach now_.

“You planned this party, Jungwoo.” Jungwoo laughs—a breathy, smiley one—at the word _planned_ like he had to calculate and write something down to get this thing going. His smile is kept there as he realises Jaehyun has noticed him not drinking more than he usually took on. “You can drink more if you want. You got me, right? Don’t worry.”

 _You’re the one that I should be worried about, dumbass_.

Jungwoo sighs. If only Jaehyun knew how much he wanted to get even more drunk. The alcohol tolerance that he has is low, _very_ low. But he still loves to gorge himself with booze when he has the chance. And Jaehyun is right, Jungwoo does have him. For all he knows, Jaehyun has always been at the ready whenever Jungwoo is out ( _or in_ ) for drinks.

Because, no matter how much drunken Jaehyun had become, he’d always be more sober than whatever mess Jungwoo would already be in. Arms always ready to get Jungwoo standing straight, hands to rub his back in case he wants to throw the inside of his stomach out, and the _experience_ to cure the hangover he would have in the morning. It’s cute, actually, like his personal alcohol-induced caretaker.

“I’m fine, hyung.” Jungwoo smiles and Jaehyun only blinks back at him, slow as if he had taken a liking in the feeling of closing his eyes before he realised he was talking to somebody.

“Um-hm, ’kay,” he finally answers, right before he goes beaming again. _So bright_. Jungwoo felt a twinge in his heart, as he wonders how a person could look the way that he does.

It could be the alcohol speaking, but Jaehyun’s eyes were then a different type of dark brown, the pink on his cheeks is the rosy kind, and each time he laughs it’s like he glows brighter than the light above them. All cheeks and fair skin, Jungwoo had to hold his hand back from caressing his face.

“That’s it!" Jungwoo is actually taken aback now, when Yuta’s fist meets their coffee table. Yuta winced a bit before he continues, “Taeil-hyung— he passed out. See?”

Jungwoo hadn’t even realised Taeil was face down on the table, probably has been for a while. The guy’s smiling stupidly, but his eyes are close, Jungwoo is 100% sure he is asleep.

“So, we’re going! ‘Kay?” Yuta stroked the top of Jungwoo and Jaehyun’s heads before going to Taeil to pick him up by the sides. Jungwoo didn’t respond to him properly, since he was distracted by the feeling on his shoulder. Jaehyun had lean his head on him, giggling at the sight of Taeil.

And Jungwoo was still too distracted that he didn’t realise Yuta was struggling by himself.

“Oh, hyung! Do you— do you need help?” Jungwoo asks hastily, his voice is worried, but his body seems not too eager to stand up—he’s trying his best not to jostle Jaehyun’s head so much.

_Is he asleep?_

“No, no!” Yuta refuses his offer, too eager about it for some reason. “You— you two stay, enjoy the rest of the night— morning. Okay?” He smiles from ear to ear. His hands are soon safely around Taeil, who seems to be woken up a bit by the rough movements and is now waving smilingly at the both of them.

“Happy new year, guys. I love you,” Yuta continues before turning around to the direction of their shared bedroom. They murmur some _love you too_ s back and giggle.

There is a moment where Jungwoo senses the loss of Jaehyun’s head on his shoulder. Jungwoo turns, and finds the guy is pouring another bottle of _soju_ to his shot glass. Jaehyun frowns when the bottle seems to be empty.

“You’re still going, hyung?” Jungwoo smiles, braving himself to rest his head on Jaehyun's shoulder.

“I am. I guess?” Jaehyun went for a new bottle, the last one they have. He opens it and pours one for himself, then shakes the bottle in front on Jungwoo’s face. “D’you want?”

“Sure,” Jungwoo happily answers. Maybe it’s okay now, he thinks, there’s only one bottle left anyway.

When more alcohol had properly settled in Jungwoo’s skin and system, they were blasting out _All About You_ , having a karaoke session at the edge of the night. The song had become their #1 pick for when they have an impromptu singing session at night, and this is one of those nights, only more drunk. Jaehyun started with his part, then Jungwoo followed with his, and soon they’re just duetting the song flawlessly.

In the middle of singing, slurring, humming, and listening to the lyrics, Jungwoo had felt a surge of melancholia inside of him. The last year was filled with a lot of things for him. A lot of emotion, a lot of realisation. He remembers the nightmares he had the first half of the year and how it gradually grew to almost none of them, and he knew he had Jaehyun to thank all of that for.

Yes, it’s only right that he gives something in return for the older.

The song has ended, switching to something slower, something more comfortable to talk in between. Jungwoo loves this song. He was resting his head on the older’s shoulder when he decided to start talking.

“Hyung, thank you.”

“What for,” Jaehyun responds, more than a dismissal than a question.

“You know what for,” Jungwoo mutters, burying his face on his collarbone out of embarrassment. “You’re not gonna say it, and I don’t feel like saying it out loud _either_ , but you _know_ what I’m talking about.”

Jaehyun nudges the top of Jungwoo’s head with his chin. A reassurance probably, or he’s sleepy probably. Jungwoo just continues, “And I’m thankful for it. You have to let me thank you, hyung.”

“It’s no big deal, Jungwoo.” His voice is silvery on top of Jungwoo’s head.

“It is for me,” Jungwoo whines. His head feels too comfortable on Jaehyun’s shoulder that it feels almost illegal. “What do I have to do to repay you?”

Jungwoo was sure Jaehyun was ready to refuse it when he clicked his tongue, but there was hesitance in the air. After a brief moment, Jaehyun finally answers, “Why don’t you sleep on my bed tonight? It’s gonna be freezing, I think.”

He would feel dizzy if he were not already. There is alcohol, and there is Jaehyun drunkenly telling him to share a bed with him. They are two different things, and yet the outcome of them is too eerily similar. Jungwoo could only inhale more air to calm himself down.

“… _It seemed to be never-ending, at the end of the long wait, you’re the one…_ ” In the silence, Xiaojun’s voice sounds even clearer, singing the lyrics that felt like _something_ to Jungwoo’s heart today.

“That’s it?” Jungwoo wills himself to laugh, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

“What? Do you think I’ll ask you to buy things for me?” Jaehyun scoffs. “I’m not that mean, Jungwoo. Just sleep with me tonight, okay?”

 _Dizzy_. Jungwoo is dizzy, and the insides of his stomach are threatening to come out. He could’ve sworn he was at least a little bit sobered up before this.

He could hear Taeil’s voice bringing the song to a close as he spoke, “Whatever you say, hyung,” his voice soft and very, very low. “Sure.”

When there was no liquid left on every bottle, the faint sunlight had already crept from the window, so they decided to bring their new year _party_ to an end. Jaehyun did his best to stand up, and when he succeeded, he helped Jungwoo as well. Jungwoo kind of needed the help, so he took the hand. Jaehyun's hand was _freezing_ and Jungwoo frowned at the touch.

_At least he wasn’t lying when he said it’s gonna be freezing._

The bottles were left as they are, a decision made by sharing a knowing look that they will just clean up tomorrow, when the both of them will be sobered up and with more energy than now. They head to their bedroom and Jungwoo’s body swings left and right until Jaehyun placed both hands on his shoulders.

“There, there,” Jaehyun sings into his ear, and Jungwoo just lets his body be guided by the older.

On Jaehyun’s bed, Jungwoo found comfort and familiarity as much as his own bed could offer. He can even say that it gives him _more._ Maybe it’s the lack of Jaehyun on his own bed.

None of them had the will to prolong the day any further, so no one said anything more after they plopped down on the bed. With the curtains shut, at least they could pretend it’s still dark outside.

Lying on his side, Jaehyun took Jungwoo into his chest. His breathing shuffles Jungwoo’s hair and his arms are tight on his back, trying to gather Jungwoo’s warmth into his own body. Sleepiness dominating them both and yet Jungwoo could still hear the last words of their morning.

“Happy new year, Jungwoo. I love you.”

Jungwoo falls asleep with a garden inside his heart.

* * *

The first snow of 2021 had come with tenderness in Jungwoo’s chest.

The year has been too good for him. Too soft on the edges, too kind, too careful with Jungwoo’s feelings. And it’s kind of a scary thought to him that there’s only been a week of it.

And then there’s Jaehyun. Jaehyun with the singing voice that has always been amazing but now, somehow, even when he speaks, Jungwoo could almost hum along with it. He’s not laughing anymore, he’s _crooning_ , and when he’s saying something, there is always a lilt to it.

He is losing his mind, Jungwoo is certain of it.

They were watching _Soul_ together (on Jaehyun’s bed, always) when the snow was drizzling down, and when the movie had finished, it had turned into a blizzard.

It is cold, so Jungwoo buries his feet deeper into Jaehyun’s blanket, finding warmth.

“Would you go outside if it calms down a bit?” Jaehyun asks, his face propped against his palm and his feet are tangling with Jungwoo’s under the blanket.

Jungwoo frowns, his face is propped in the same manner as Jaehyun now, only with the opposite hand. He answers, “Well, would you go and face the _fans_ outside?”

Jaehyun frowns back, looking cute more than angry. “They suck.”

“Yeah, they suck,” Jungwoo repeats. “Only those who are currently waiting outside our dorm, though.”

“You know what? Maybe more. Maybe some more of them suck. Not everyone, though,” Jaehyun corrects him, causing Jungwoo to laugh.

“Yeah, they could be nice too.”

They fell into silence, and Jungwoo was in deep, deep adoration with the way he stares back at him, turning seconds into minutes and into what felt like an hour, when Jaehyun grabs hold of his wrist.

“Fuck them, let’s just go out!”

Jungwoo raised his eyebrows at Jaehyun’s sudden eagerness. “It’s a _storm_ , hyung.”

“Look outside.” Jaehyun gestures at the window with his head.

Jungwoo turned his back around and watched the snow outside. It had calmed down. It’s beautiful, Jungwoo wants to see it.

“Let’s go! Let’s grab our coats,” Jaehyun encourages him once more.

Jungwoo is about to open his mouth to protest, but Jaehyun grabs his hand once again and guides him off the bed. He whines a _what’s wrong with you_ but he lets himself be dragged outside their room anyway.

The fans were watchful, and they could hear cameras flashing but they didn’t mind them, only walking faster and faster and away from them. They giggled the whole walk to the park furthest away from their dorm and was panting when they finally came to a halt.

They looked at each other and giggled under the masks, only crinkling eyes visible.

They had managed to lose the fans, at least everyone they could notice with both eyes open. It’s scary, these people. They could literally come up at _any time_ , and often times they could only be noticed by a flash or a click or a _rustle_. Jungwoo was already shivering because of the cold but he shivered even more at the thought.

Both of them sat down on a tiny bench together, watching the snow falls and plops onto the pile on the ground. Jungwoo holds out his hand and now the snow falls and melts onto his palm instead. Jaehyun laughs, then pulls down his mask and sticks out his tongue. And now, the snow falls and melts onto his tongue.

 _Silly_.

_I could kiss you now, you know?_

Giggling, Jaehyun turns his head and his eyes were crescent moons, better than the waxing gibbous above their heads. Jungwoo couldn’t care about the moon right now, it’s _there_ , but Jaehyun is _here._ How can he look away?

Jungwoo had intended to take out his phone and take a picture of Jaehyun, but he kept his hand on the pocket, only watching the other with his eyes instead of through a screen. Maybe he could just stay like this, staring and staring until he bears a hole in Jaehyun’s side profile.

He was imagining about laser eyes and strong jaws and pale skins and peaches when his thoughts was interrupted by Jaehyun staring back at him.

“Love this,” Jaehyun says, blinking eyes as he always does.

“The snow?”

“The snow, the new year,” Jaehyun inhales before he continues, “ _you_.”

Jungwoo has considered fainting, but he wills himself to shoot a questioning look instead.

“Was I not clear?” Jaehyun asks, seeing the confusion on the other’s face. “On the morning of the new year. _I love you_.”

Jungwoo’s breath hitches. _As a member of your group_ , Jungwoo provides his brain what Jaehyun hadn’t even said.

“I love you too,” Jungwoo replies cheekily, nudging the shoulder beside him. He smiles and the look on Jaehyun’s face was achingly sweet, too sweet that he almost _believed_ what he wanted to believe.

“No, Jungwoo. I _love_ you.” Jaehyun is serious. So serious that Jungwoo’s hand had to hold himself steady by the rim of the seat. “Can I… love you?”

“You can’t give me hope like this, hyung.” The tears are so close to coming out, and Jungwoo hates himself at this moment.

“No, no. Don’t cry, please,” Jaehyun begs. He moves his hand to hold Jungwoo’s between their coats’ layers, trying to not be so apparent that they were holding hands. “I mean it, Jungwoo. I love you. _That_ way.”

Jungwoo drops his face on Jaehyun’s shoulder and Jaehyun is tensed by the move. He didn’t do anything about it though, he probably thought if there were fans around, they could all fuck off. He doesn’t care.

His voice is soft and trembling when he finally responds, “I love you too, hyung. Thank you,” and Jaehyun smiles above his head. They can stay like this, for now.

When Jungwoo finally looks up, his eyes were red, but the smile on his face would not be easily erased for the next weeks, he's sure. Jungwoo stares and stares at Jaehyun’s eyes until he finally looks down on his lips, too long and with too much desire in his eyes.

“You can kiss them later, Jungwoo,” Jaehyun reminds him and Jungwoo breaks into laughter.

Of course, he’ll kiss him. Jungwoo will absolutely kiss Jaehyun until the morning comes, he swears.

“Promise it, hyung.” The smile on his face could not get wider than it is. Jaehyun laughs, a low but sure _I promise_ slips out of his mouth, and like the snow, Jungwoo melts at the sight. He melts, and he feels like he rules the world right now. With the snow, the moon, the wet bench, and by his side, Jaehyun.

Always him.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it! english isn't my first language and i had thought my english was fine until i have to deal with past tenses in this fic... i hope it wasn't too bad. 
> 
> also, i just found out after writing this that their beds aren't not in an L position but probably more like, - - like feet to feet??? and i'm stressed now cus it ruined my jaewoo holding hands while sleeping on different beds imagination. lol
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading :D


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